Former ... do not be surprised bitterly about a perhaps surprising twist at the end of the chaps ... that will be corrected before I post it officially.
only I wanted to share my enthusiasm.
Do you understand now why there is this time line up?
Chapter 39
The art of seeing the truth in the face
Draco's eyes were blank as he in the sunlight shimmering on the surface the lake could roam. He saw nothing. He felt nothing. He was not even sure if he really existed. The last days had been to hell and yet they were to him rather than what was before him.
you had made it. The class of 97/98 had brought the annual audits behind. What remains a few weeks was still the goal of all ambition for him, had caught up with him, as well as the knowledge of what it meant.
In two days he would leave like everyone else in his class forever Hogwarts - and Harry Potter probably never see everything again. Draco let his head fall to the knee tightened. He knew there was no point in pretending something. There was nothing that could distract him from the truth, no tests, no learning stress, no nothing. All that was over and all that remained to him was the moment to come to terms with the fact that he had lost, much more than he possible had held.
He had gone through the trials without thinking. He had stopped when Harry had him leave this morning at the castle, knowing that everything else would take him out of his mind at the moment and he could not do the tests.
His behavior had to collapse both of their unstable house of cards lies. Draco knew that, but it was no longer interested. They both were silent, ignored looks and whispers. Harry went all the way by appearing only for teaching and Draco tried him as far as possible gleich zu tun. Es war ihm vollkommen egal welchen Eindruck er damit erweckte.
Alles was früher so unendlich wichtig erschienen war, Stolz und Ehre, Würde und Selbstbehauptung, all diese lächerlichen Statussymbole waren plötzlich sinnlos für ihn. Es war die Hölle und manchmal wollte er einfach nur schreien, doch er tat es nicht. Er ging blind durch die gewohnten Abläufe, tat, was von ihm erwartet wurde und meisterte seine Prüfungen dank seiner eisernen Konzentration auf das nahe liegende mit Bravour, doch all das lag nun hinter ihm und nur noch eine Einsicht vor ihm.
Er hatte sein Herz verloren.
Es war despicable and shameful and not at all his style, but there were obviously things that face a Draco Malfoy was not immune. For the first time he realized really how Harry must have felt when that night in the Forbidden Forest all he had hoped and dreamed, no doubt broke.
Draco felt the first tear between his eyelids to swell out and did not let that. / / Why must it be too late, Harry? Why could not I more likely to understand what is going on ... what did I do? Why did I have hurt you only so that there is no return / / He felt a sob in his throat and bites it desperately. It was so humiliating. He did not feel so lost, but he knew he was not around it. / / Now I know why you are broken ... Now I know. / / It was the straw that brought the barrel to overflow.
Draco let his emotions run wild, because he knew he had no other way out if he did not want him eating away the despair. No one would find him here. No one would look for him. He was safe here. But he had seen.
of the rest, he would worry if he had found his composure.
* * *
Harry stared sullenly at his plate. Ron and Hermione had now dragged him down to breakfast and let none of his well-considered valid excuses. It was her second last breakfast at Hogwarts, the last without the hustle and bustle because the train would have been waiting for them before they even finished tomorrow were. He was all the matter completely. He just wanted to leave, but his friends had a different opinion.
"Toast, Harry?" Hermione gave him one of the bread baskets in the nose and Harry gave her a disgruntled look before his eyes the blond hair on Slytherintisch captured, he grabbed a toast and head mu rrisch again lowered. Hermione's gaze alternating with Ron he missed it completely.
He had avoided Draco to let in some form in his mind, but here at the breakfast table in the middle of the Great Hall of Hogwarts, the plan seemed suddenly at all not to be working and every time Hermione said anything to him was, his eyes invariably taken by the blonde captive.
Draco was pale, looked bleary-eyed and seemed to avoid all around them. / / No wonder, Harry, you do not do the same? It is really time for us to finally get away from here ... Otherwise we will never get back on their feet. / / He stumbled over the mind 'we' and concentrated on his toast that he had been buttered, but further He had not come.
One look was enough to make him realize that he did not want to get ahead. Solo the thought of eating something caused him nausea. Harry rubbed his hands over his face and wished for earlier in his secluded tower room. The desire to get up to go over and admit that he had not meant what he had said that morning was overwhelming.
He wanted it so much that it hurt. He wanted Draco said what he had said, wanted to believe him, but it was impossible. He tried even to put into practice what he went through the head, he felt paralyzed. His body refused to do what his mind wanted, although he could not look more to how the blonde was deeply hurt.
your roles were reversed. Harry knew that he had Draco imposed this pain, as this a year ago, he imposed the Drachenglutfluch had, but he did not manage to do something.
The fear of being hurt so once was larger. He had found his self-preservation at the worst possible moment again and he could not help it.
~
"What do you think it is?" Ron was next to Hermione in the grass. Harry had disappeared, hard to believe that Dumbledore had made his announcement for the final festivities behind. There was nothing else have been expected.
Hermione was silent. What they had observed for two weeks, would not produce Shakespeare better. She had never expected to Draco Malfoy ever feel something like pity, but what was the moment with him, and Harry had earned the right to any of them. Sure, it needed a good observer to see that they both struggled, no matter whether Draco atypically behaved or not, but Hermione was a good observer, and she had seen him the last two weeks autopilot was switched to bring the tests behind them, while Harry had buried himself in his room at work if he had had the chance.
She wondered what had happened between the two. Something must have happened, something that had destroyed the delicate balance between them. It was to no longer see that they both sought only after that, to bring Hogwarts behind.
tried for days to persuade them that it was for the best. When Harry was only once away from Hogwarts, he would not have to face the past and Draco and Hermione was sure that he then die ganze Sache hinweg kommen würde, doch seit ihr klar war, das Draco mindestens ebenso litt wie Harry, war sie sich dessen nicht mehr so sicher.
Sie wusste zu genau, was es hieß, zu spät zu begreifen, was man verloren hatte. In ihrem Fall hatte Harry dafür gesorgt, dass sie eine zweite Chance bekam und nun fragte sie sich, ob es nicht an der Zeit war, Harry eine zweite Chance zu verschaffen.
„Er ist nicht darüber hinweg“ beantwortete sie Rons Frage.
„Er wird drüber wegkommen, wenn sie sich nicht mehr ständig über the road race. "
" I know, but Ron, you not understand what that means? "
" You think I do not understand that our idiot Malfoy still loves? & ldquo , Ron dropped in the grass and stared into the blue sky. He understood very well that Harry Malfoy still loved and he was fully aware that it was impossible to simply turn off these feelings. Harry had given the Slytherin clearly much loved too much. At the moment, he felt caught between revulsion and regret.
He did not like him that it Malfoy was calculated, the Harry's heart was. He hated the thought of losing his best friend at the Slytherin and it was clear that Draco Malfoy was the last to be Harry's love deserved. For this, the damn bastard had hurt him very much, quite apart from the fact that he had almost killed him - enough reasons to want to get that Harry away as soon as possible about this whole thing came. Ron knew he had that opportunity only if he no longer had to see the blond all the time.
That was one thing, but unfortunately did not help Ron and the other to see: Before he had known that Draco Malfoy was at issue in the whole thing, he was adamant that Harry's secret lover had loved him just as much as Harry him, no matter had what is believed the black-haired self. What Malfoy had done to win over Harry, had been persuasive and that he could not ignore that simple. ". I think point two is much more important"
"This is point one," stated Ron Hermione now and ripped out of his mind, he did not look at when he asked:
"And what point two? "
" Did Malfoy times you watched? "This was of course no answer to Ron's question, the problem was that he knew exactly what she wanted.
"So you think he is serious?"
Hermione looked away from Ron, staring out into the lake. She was not quite sure what to make of her boyfriend. What Ron thought of Malfoy she knew and according to well as she could imagine what he has a possible relationship between Harry and his thought.
"I honestly do not know whether he is serious. I can not say it at least for sure, but if the two watches ... I do not know how to say it, but it hurts in the soul ... and not just Harry.
"Sure ... he will get over it away, but Ron, what if they have a chance? What if they really match? What if they belong together? When I think about what Harry has been overcome? How much hatred and disgust, as many nasties. And he could leave everything behind for the love, just as Malfoy ... has obviously done at the end. Do you ask yourself for not even know if they have not yet earned a second chance? "
"Malfoy deserves a second chance" Nothing would distract Ron from this view, but unfortunately this was not the whole truth, and he sat by quietly, "Malfoy, but Harry certainly not ... ... And when it's absolutely Malfoy must be, and then we live with it. "
He felt Hermione's bewildered gaze resting on him, but that was the crux of the story. Surely they would have to live with it, Harry was actually a viable working relationship with Draco Malfoy and that was the point that Ron, if he was honest to himself most zuschaffen made.
But there was something else that was in his view, much more important. Ron had no idea how long he wanted already desperate that Harry was finally happy. It would certainly not fall to him easily, but with Draco Malfoy to have to get along, but he wanted Harry was happy and something told him that Harry could be happy with that damned Slytherin no matter whether he, Ron, fit or not.
"You really think that's possible?" Hermione could not believe obviously not what he had said. Ron sat up and did not use it. It was possible he was sure. Harry always walked with his head against a wall, he had proven more than once. And unfortunately, Ron had no idea what it was staying in the moment. That was what they had to find out his opinion.
"He was happy with him before, Hermione, taking completely wrong Pre-requirements, but he was happy. If he brings back to the series, I can live with it. I think the bigger problem with the whole thing is different. I have no idea what it is staying. That is not Harry, I know. Generally, all the obstacles and even Malfoy understood it. The only one who is refusing to Harry. Why, Mione? That's actually what I really wanted to know. "This time he looked at her.
"This can unfortunately ... I'll tell you exactly ..." She would impress Ron can not, if they him for what he had said would have laughed. "Ron, this thing has broken Harry ... and he knows that it can happen again if he commits himself to Draco."
"You mean he's afraid?" This idea laundry re Ron does not even remotely come to mind, but what Hermione had said made sense.
"For sure he is afraid. He was so afraid that he is doing everything to avoid being hurt again yes Sun And honestly, Ron, I can understand it ... after all that has happened. He has thought before, Malfoy would love him ... and then turned out that it has located only a love spell. "If you look at it from this angle, Hermione had probably right.
"Damn damn ..." Ron resigned dropped back into the grass. This finding made it to do in his eyes almost anything impossible. Harry knew he had no fear. This was something which he absolutely could not work around the same time made it clear to him what Harry's problem was. For him, had to be a completely new experience. Broke up but instantly into thin air, as stated Hermione:
"I must talk with Malfoy ..."
"What?" Ron snapped upright again and looked at her as she was of his senses leave, but it was not to be overlooked, she thought feverishly. "Mione, I'm not sure if it's the best solution Malfoy is to bet on this thing. "
" It's the only chance they have, Ron. There is no one else who can Harry make angry enough that he forgets everything. Us he will not listen. Malfoy, he must know what is the problem. In fact I believe that he does not. He does not know why Harry refuses to so vehemently. "
Ron had to admit that they probably had it right, even if he was not sure if it was a good idea to rely on Harry's anger. Perhaps they reached it completely the opposite, but at one point had Hermione Law: Malfoy was the only one who could make Harry angry enough and the chance that he forgot about everything else was real.
"What if it goes in the pants?" Hermione dropped her head,
"Then we probably have no choice but to pick up the pieces and to help him back to his feet." It were not the most attractive prospects, but it was a plan and whatever he did, they could claim to have at least tried.
~
Hermione's plan to talk to Draco quickly proved to be a lot harder than she had expected. He was without a doubt just as Harry is still hidden under the spells that they had both already made in the last school year for most magic tricks, and untraceable.
you had to wait for lunch until she got the chance to give it a signature, they could follow unremarkable and she was glad that he had ever appeared. Harry was, as usual, had gone and this time can not be found, to her and Ron so not to give the opportunity once again to drag him into the Great Hall with a meal.
Malfoy did not stay long, he poked around a few minutes in his food, choked a few bites and left again down the Great Hall. Hermione had no doubt that he, like Harry just waiting for it to finally behind them. She jumped from her seat even though she had eaten very little and looked over Ron's questioning look.
"I must do something important ... I'm back soon," a wink and she literally ran from the Great Hall, while Ron grumpy again turned his food, Seamus and Dean ignoring questions.
It was not a big problem for to talk to Hermione Aufspürzauber that would give her the opportunity to find Malfoy anywhere, and she was not really surprised when he led them in the east wing. She was just grateful to know about really good with magic and the doors to get there easily.
minutes later they found themselves back in the corridor in which it was Harry followed before, only the magic of it this time instead of the east tower led down the hallway to the guest rooms of Hogwarts. Harry was their escape at that time, Malfoy would they do not give this chance.
When she finally stopped but then the magic from one of the doors in this corridor, they had no choice but to breathe deeply, for her determination wavered. She knew Malfoy and she knew he would not particularly respond positively to her appearance. How well the blond in it was to distribute verbal slaps, she had experienced at first hand and she wondered why she was doing to the real. If they had bad luck, Draco would not even let them have their say, or he would laugh at them scornfully for their trouble, after he had heard what they believe was. Both were not a particularly exhilarating views.
But then she forced herself to Harry to keep in mind that in spite of all his disappointment and bitterness at their blindness regarding Ron still had everything done to make them understand how much Ron she was in love. Hermione knew she had given up a long time, and Harry had made sure that they still got their chance and was able to use.
matter what Malfoy would bang her around the ears, they had to at least try to do the same for him. Determined, she reached for the doorknob, opening the surprisingly unlocked door and entered.
Malfoy was standing at the window and stared out into the bright early summer day. When he heard the door he turned around and Hermione could see her naked terror for a split second boundless hope in his eyes before he realized who he had before him, and almost the same moment icy stare. He thought it's Harry ... Harry thought he would follow him ... God damn it ... It made Hermione's determination to defy all opposition just a little stubborn.
Draco could not believe it when he realized it was Hermione Granger, who stood pale but clearly defiantly at the door. For a moment he had actually believed that Harry had considered it but still different, but the fact that it was Granger who had followed him without a doubt, proved to him that this was probably a futile hope.
"What to hell are you doing here? ... How damn could you follow me?" He snapped at her. He wanted to have his rest. He wanted to get it over, and had certainly not feel like it is from Granger or someone else to listen to any accusatory tirade. He knew himself too well that he had screwed up everything.
"detection signature ..." came the defiant reply of Harry's best friend. "Obviously their are both still always hidden under this banner that make you undetectable, except that Harry is smart enough to get his Repellium stubbornly maintained, since he knows about Remus that I have tried to follow him. "Draco knew he would do the same, he would be even longer at Hogwarts. Fortunately, this was no longer necessary as of tomorrow. Granger was a really damn talented witch, even if he hated to admit that.
"I did not feel like I deal with you. Get out. "Draco turned back to the window. He did not have the energy to argue with Granger and knew that it was pitiful, but now it was a damn what the rest of the world thought of him. The more it excited him for a long moment, as Granger sounded complacent at their next words.
"Then will you not then know what Harry's problem?" Obviously, this is the case until he realized what she had said. Draco felt his constant inner tension a new level reached. That was the question on which he broke his head in secret, since Harry had run away from it. Granger should really know what happened? Perhaps Harry had spoken to his friends?
But why is it here? It can not be in their interest that Harry really open challenge to me. His silence was Granger, however, obvious enough, for she continued, "I thought so ... Malfoy, do not hold, you will definitely never be my best friend ..." In response to this remark, Draco snorted dry. That was certainly the last to which he attached great importance and it was typical for Granger, but why was she here? "But Harry is my best friend ... and ... I know how he feels ... It's bedeutlungslos what Ron and I think about it, we will not allow that he is, after all that happened before the truth does, no matter what comes out at the end. "Draco could not help it, he frowned and looked around to Granger.
She was still at the door, but she did not at him. She leaned on the door and the floor was fixed. Draco waited for it went on. He did not wait long although Granger looked up again. "This is probably the most ludicrous thing you'll ever hear about Harry, but ... despite all witchcraft ... we are still only human. Muggles have for what happens to Harry a medical term. It reads, Post Traumatic Syndrome devour 'and falls into the category of wizards, mental suffering' something that belongs in the magical world, people like something which can handle and what not magician they have very poor healing potential. "
Draco had to admit that she was right, but until now he could not see the connection. Granger looked up and looked at him. "Laughing at me not, Malfoy, I'm warning you. The whole here costs me enough to overcome and I do it for Harry. All alone for him because I know that morning, a solution to its internal conflict in unreachable moves ... "Draco paused and looked at her seriously. He did not know what to make of this monologue, but he would pounce on any solution that he would find it. God, you're so pathetic ... Draco He did not care. What then, however, Granger said, it made it hard not to laugh at them scornfully, and she had known very clearly.
"He's scared ... so scared that he is not ready and so is not able to overcome that fear."
"Granger ... Potter is finished in his life situations that most normal Wizards let alone for fear of death would fall over ... He alone has faced Voldemort three times and has never let it get to me and you want now say he is finished with his not afraid? "Granger looked at him and Draco had to sheer terror a sad smile on his lips.
"This is exactly what everyone sees in him, Draco ... a fighter, a warrior who has never let it get ... someone who comes with eleven years of a three-headed dog over and the stone Philosopher before Voldemort, saves the age of twelve and thirteen defeats a basilisk conjures up a Patronus, which destroyed a whole horde of Dementors. At fourteen he won the Triwizard Tournament and at fifteen he wonders why he plays his exceptionally calm. Is that what you mean, Draco? "Draco did not even know the half of what Granger told there, but it happened, what he meant.
She stared out the window and Draco realized that they did really hard to explain what she meant, but would not Granger Granger, when they gave up. "Strange as this may sound, but that's what Harry considered his duty. It was okay for him to play against Voldemort, because he knew he was capable of doing and it was his own risk ... year six was ... different ... " Draco looked away and stared out the window. To this end she had to tell him anything, but it was without a doubt, it nevertheless decided to do and he felt they fixed him with her eyes.
"At sixteen, Harry still had his seemingly calm ... and no doubt he is become foolish" Draco could have told her that this was not the case, but it meant nothing. That was between him and Harry. "He has fallen in love with someone who has hated him all his life ... and has been at the end convinced that these feelings were to each other ... He has realized that it was again Voldemort, who is lured into a trap. Unfortunately, there was already too late ... It may seem as if there was no real difference, Draco ... But this is false. To be in that night in the forbidden forest, Harry realized what makes him vulnerable ... Voldemort may have died that night, but he won anyway ... "
Draco has lowered his head. She had no more talking. He understood what she meant to say. Voldemort Harry had broken into that night the heart, in the most brutal way, he could find - and he had helped.
The burning in his breast was momentarily unbearable. It was so that Granger still was not finished, though he realized that Harry had every reason to fear. "It makes no sense to think more about what happened then ... That's over. But Harry does not deserve to live with this fear, Draco. What she does to him, I think you have to learn the hard way ... He needs to understand what is going on. Unfortunately, he hears us but not to ... If you understand what I mean ... "
Draco could not help it, he looked at her," Do you believe in all seriousness that he will listen to me, Granger? "
you had the audacity to laugh. "Malfoy, honestly ... I'm pretty sure he has already done with you completely different things ..." Draco was dark red in the face of her words, but she was not finished, "... and maybe you ought to consider views from the point of view that you can win at bottom only ... the only thing that Harry is staying, is the fear of being hurt again like that. "
" I can not promise that this is not no one can know that happens ... "
Granger smiled again. "That to me is clear. But whatever happens this time, Harry will never again have to live with the knowledge that he has forced upon you, whether consciously or unconsciously. You have a chance if you let it come to just that. As I'm sure. Think about it, Malfoy ... "She turned away and walked to the door. She was already half out of the room when Draco stopped again, because really, he still could not understand why she had told him all that
"Why, Granger ... Why did you do that?"
"Because he is my best friend ... and because he had once condemned deserves to be happy at last." She had not seen him in these words, and closed the door behind him to, that they hardly finished speaking had.
Draco was left with the shock that Harry's friends actually had to jump over the size of their shadow if it was to make him happy. He could not help him as a little envy.
~
the evening, when the festivities end of the school year, Harry was finally much calmer than he had even expected. He had all day to hide in his room, packed his things together and Dobby persuaded the books he had from the library to get for him to go back. To be exact, he had finished with Hogwarts and the evening's closing ceremony was just the final end point.
Lost in thought he was Dumbledore's closing speech, pass over him, heard the head teacher about how you have had the courage to jump over his own shadow, or to pardon, as in life one only could exist if you do not get him down from his fears and setbacks and how to let something like this could only move in the world if you went down risks. Harry had the vague feeling that Dumbledore waving him to a fence post, but he was easily able to ignore that.
He would see his life in the face - as soon as he left Hogwarts.
"... each of you to leave Hogwarts today, can I just give some advice along the way: Use your opportunities when they arise, because no one can be sure of you that it has the same chance of a second Time gets offered. And now my friends, eat and drink ... and enjoy the time that lies ahead of you before you have to leave you for the holidays ... or forever from Hogwarts ... "
As always appeared golden plates, cutlery and bowls of delicious, no sooner had that Dumbledore finished. Harry heard Ron mutter how much he would miss just that, heard his friends and house mates laugh and joke making plans for the summer, but in his head were just two words for always .
He might be mentally and emotionally from Hogwarts have passed, but only these two words made him really clear what it meant. This time it was forever. Despite what he had gone through this school, it allows it a stab.
Without that he also could only prevent his eyes wandered to the table of Slytherins, Draco Malfoy. Again, this would leave forever if it went to Harry. He did everything that had happened between them behind you forget, but for the first time he realized what he would be really behind.
There was a cold feeling creeping up on him; the realisation that he would loose this feeling he had savoured for so long once and for all. The love he had fought never to forget would be gone.
Suddenly the wrongness of it all hit him full force. He had held on for so long, he had done everything he could to protect Draco and he had fallen once more, and now it would be over. It hurt even more, than everything else. Harry wanted to stop thinking about it. He wished it would be over and finalised already, but the pain in his heart didn’t allow him to ignore it; and then Draco looked up and Harry knew all he could do was run, if he wanted this to go over smoothly, because the determination and willpower in Draco’s eyes let him no doubt, that the blond hadn’t given up at all.
Draco stood up and Harry wanted to do the same to leave the Great Hall in time, but he was clued to the spot, paralysed, he just couldn’t run.
Draco’s whole being was in uproar, since he had realised, what Granger had wanted to tell him. It was the key he had missed, the one thing that could probably convince Harry they had a chance. Problem was, time was running out; fast. And he had no idea what he could do, what he could say, to stop Harry from running away.
This hadn’t changed till it was time for the end of year celebrations and he had to appear in the Great Hall. Draco still had no idea, what to do.
And then Harry had looked at him; eyes troubled and stormy, confused and he had realised there was just one chance left. He had to talk to him. He had to make him see reason. It was the only way left, because Draco had now doubt if Harry left Hogwarts tomorrow, he would never give him a chance to talk again. He would be gone; forever.
Without thinking he was getting up. He didn’t even register the confused looks from his classmates and he didn’t see the tiny smile on the headmaster’s lips. He just stood up and started walking over to the Gryffindor table.
It didn’t matter that he probably humiliated himself in front of the whole school, he was so far behind caring, all he wanted was making Harry talk and making the thing between them all right.
He couldn’t give up this love. He didn’t want to. Not before he had done everything in his power to make it work.
Draco could see Harry was ready to bolt the moment he reached the table. There was such a dark scowl on his face; Draco would have laughed that now, after all the things that had happened Harry was finally faced by him. Unfortunately this was probably his last chance.
“I need to talk to you, Harry.”
Harry’s face closed off in an instant. “There is nothing we would need to talk about anymore.” He switched his attention to the empty plate in front of him; visibly realising there was nothing on this plate that needed attention.
“I don’t think so” Draco continued. “In the contrary I’m very sure there is a lot we still have to talk about. You’ve got the choice; you can follow me outside, or we talk right here, in front of everyone…”
By now they had the attention of almost every student in the Hall. Their story had run circles in the school and now they were facing off again. Some of the smaller kids even stood and craned their necks to see. Draco was beyond that, but he could see, Harry wasn’t. A faint blush was colouring his cheeks and suddenly the attention shifted once more. Weasley went back to his meal and talking started again.
The only one pressing on against the force of Harry’s obscurus was Granger. Draco couldn’t help but smile faintly. That girl really was damn stubborn. “I see you are as good as ever at hiding…” he commented Harry’s behaviour and all off sudden it happened. Harry’s eyes became a fraction thinner; his lips built a hard line now. /He’s getting angry…/ Draco realised and from the corner of his eyes he could see Granger smile /That’s why she came to me…she knew I could piss him off enough he would listen…/ The smile on Dracos lips became smug. “It’s what you could always best, isn’t it?”
Harry jumped from his seat, “I don’t need to listen to your shit, Malfoy…” and with a swift movement he turned and run from the Hall.
Draco was on his heels instantly. He wasn’t really surprised, when Harry left the castle and started storming of blindly. “WHEN DO YOU FUCKING REALISE THAT YOU CAN’T RUN FROM ME…” Draco screamed after him.
“DON’T WORRY. I’LL GONNA BRING ENOUGH DISTANCE BETWEEN US EVEN THE DAMN LIGAMENTUM WONT HAVE A CHANCE ANYMORE…” Harry screamed back without stopping.
Draco knew he was able to. Harry had done everything to distance himself, and he would do this too. It hurt, and pissed him off at the same time. The first sparks of anger started overpowering his desperation. He had been accustomed to piss off Harry Potter, and he still knew the basics.
“GOD DAMN…SINCE WHEN YOU TURNED INTO SUCH A PATHETIC COWARD, POTTER: I THOUGHT YOU HAD A BACKBONE…BUT NO; YOU’RE NOTHING MORE THEN A COWARD…”
Harry stopped so abruptly, Draco, tight on his heels, almost run him over. The look from green eyes was icy and full of hate rate. “Don’t talk to me like this, Malfoy; don’t dare you to talk to me like this…”
Draco never had known what was good for him, when it came to Harry. “WHAT? Why not? You DO behave like a damn coward. You run away from everything. That’s what cowards do.” He had a wand at his throat within a fraction of a second. He wasn’t faced.
“I said you shall not talk to me like this…”
“What, Harry? You don’t like to hear the truth?” The anger was gone. Draco was calm. He had Harry listening and he still had no doubt the other boy would never hurt him.
“That’s not the truth…”
“In my eyes it is. You let a dead man win over you…that’s cowardly.”
It was like a slap to the face. The words hit home within Harry, he was surprised he didn’t stumble back. His wand started trembling with his hand and he took him away. Somewhere in his mind he couldn’t believe Draco had brought him far enough to be threaten by him, but the foremost thought in his head was /How can he say that? How can he believe I’m a coward? He was there…/
Harry turned and wanted to go away, but he realised it was, what Draco was talking about and his pride forbid he proved him right. Nevertheless it was, what he wanted to do; run away. His mind was a whirling mess. He was at his ropes end, didn’t know what to do next.
Somewhere in his sub consciousness he knew this had been Draco’s goal all along. He just couldn’t understand why the blond did this to him. He had thought they had reached mutual understanding it was over. Draco started explaining himself without needing asking.
“I don’t want to loose you…and if it means to hurt you to make you see reason, I’ll gonna do it.”He was close behind him now, almost close enough to touch and suddenly all Harry wanted to do was to fall back and be held, while at the same time icy fear gripped his heart.
He shuddered and Draco took the choice away, pulling him close and holding him tight. “I know you are scared, Harry. You have every right to be…” A kind of acceptance washed over Harry. Acceptance and shock about the fact, Draco actually knew the truth. He decided against struggling free. No matter what, this was still the place he wanted to be most.
Draco continued, quietly. “…but if you let this fear rule your life, he’s gonna win…he’s gonna win from his grave…You want to let Voldemort win this war, Harry? You want to let him triumph over you after all the things he did to you…to us?” Draco’s words were chocked and clipped. His arms had tightened around Harry’s chest. He was clinging to him desperately.
Instinctively Harry’s hand covered his. Draco still was the last he wanted to be tortured by this. And every word he said pained him. It clearly was for him as much hell as it had been for Harry. But at the same time every word Draco said found his goal.
All Harry had done in the course of the year had been struggling to leave behind what had happened to them, even with the curse burning constant pain into his being he had tried to forget. He could have had that more simple with a memory charm from Dumbledore.
But he hadn’t wanted to forget how this love had felt, no matter how fake it had been. And now he tried to do exactly this, with his own power. It was hypocritical and it was pathetic.
Now, when the thing really was over, he was healed and Draco wanted him without poison and magic, he run away more than ever.
/But does he really want you with his own free will? Can you really be sure?/ Harry could once more those horrible fear grip his heart, could hear Draco scream at him, how he could believer he would ever fall for him?
It was a fatal association in his mind, between what Draco had screamed that night and what Voldemort implied the entire time trough their fight.
And that right there was like a blow to the gut. The reasons for his fear were so obvious he couldn’t help but see Draco was right. But it was nevertheless difficult, to leave it behind, to jump this abyss. It threatened to overpower him once more, but there was one thing Harry never had let happen: Voldemort winning.
If he let his fear overpower him, Voldemort would win. And Harry knew this would never leave him again. He would be scared for the rest of his life if the feelings someone showed him would be real or fake. He would ask himself for the rest of his life if he was worth to be loved. That wasn’t what he wanted from his life.
Suddenly all was so clear, so painful; Harry couldn’t hold back the sob that escaped his lips. The result he got from it was Draco turning him in his arms and holding him even tighter. There was no thought of resistance. In the contrary Harry’s finger clutched the material from his robe. The fear to be hurt so much again was unbearable, but if he was determined to overcome it, he had to do it now, for the one person, that had showed him what love could feel like.
And the chance for the whole thing to be real was just one more added bonus. Harry heard Draco rambling, felt his speech against his chest. He didn’t listen to close. Draco had said all he could the last time the had run into each other.
There were no promises to never hurt the other again, because it would be lies. People got hurt all the times in relationships. The important part was to make it right again.
They both had their scars and harry had no doubt there would be hard clashes between them. But there was one thing Draco could claim already. He had done all to make it work. And suddenly a quiet chuckle bubbled up in Harry’s chest. He hadn’t for the life of him imagined it would be Draco doing the running after and begging in the end.
Draco clearly registered his faux pas. “What?” He straightened Harry up to be able to see in his face. Harry still had tear track on his cheeks and his wasn’t ashamed of it right now, but there was a kind of mischief in his eyes that was new to Draco.
“It’s just…I never expected it would be you…running after me and begging to be taken back again…”
For a moment Draco just glared at him. Then he stated, “Know something, Potter? It’s a question of intelligence to rather go for the thing what you want most than overestimating the value of pride and self-esteem …not that you would understand that…”
Harry’s face became serious again. “I’m what you want most?”
Draco’s expression stayed aloof. “Guess so.”
Harry just stared at him for a moment, saw the uncertainty in his eyes, felt his own fear. But at the same time he couldn’t doubt Draco’s determination to try this. He wanted to make this work, or he wouldn’t be here.
Almost instinctively his finger touched his face, while an honest smile played around his lips. “Thank you…”
“What for?”
“For not giving up on me…Thank you, Draco…” and with this he leaned in and kissed Draco, just to be hauled in once more and be kissed like there was no tomorrow. But there was a Tomorrow. Draco had made sure of this.
The end…
.
